I was wearing the blazer I bought specifically for the day, with my Stuart pin on my lapel, and rocking a pair of heels that I love. I decided that no matter what happened, I could still hold my head up, and I went in and did my things and thought of Dirge Without Music:
Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
I went back to the car, with my usual woman-alone-in-dim-parking-lot Awareness, and it occurred to me that men like Trump are the reason we HAVE to be so careful. Alone, in daylight or darkness, drunk or sober, just the fact that we are women seems to put us at automatic risk.
I cried most of the way home, and then I stayed up until the results were final and sat there numbly unable to comprehend that this was actually happening.
I went to sleep after more tears. I woke up with more tears. I can't eat breakfast because I'm too upset.
I did not vote for Hillary because she embodies all my personal values, because she really does not. I voted for Hillary because she was, in my carefully considered opinion, our best shot at preserving an America we could all be safe, with mutual respect for all faiths, convictions, and values. Not just MY faith and values. Imposing those on others is unAmerican.
I focused on liberty of conscience and freedom of religion in choosing my candidate because in my Seventh-day Adventist faith, those are the specific things we believe will be targeted and threatened in America as time draws to a close and the final crisis hits. We are encouraged to vote for the person who will best protect those rights of conscience, not for our faith only, but in general.
I believe God knows what just happened, and I will rally. But for now, I am just numb.
On one hand it seems confirmation of my prophetic beliefs that something this unbelievable could actually happen (most people scoff at our belief that a strict Sunday law will be enacted in this country), but that does not mean I am going yippie because a completely unworthy person is going to be our new president. It is very sobering. I don't know how things will play out. I am too numb right now to even speculate.
But here is a verse from Isaiah that I read last week that has been kind of rattling about in my brain ever since:
I, even I, am he that comforteth you:
who art thou, that thou shouldest be afraid of a man that shall die,
and of the son of man which shall be made as grass;
And forgettest the Lord thy maker,
that hath stretched forth the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth?
I know how the story ends. Jesus is going to win. But in the meantime, He is going to have to help me navigate through this, because the near future looks like a pretty dark and threatening place.
I'm just getting started! There are plenty more to be added. This is just what I happen to have in the trailer currently. Hit me up with any queries you may have or if you're looking for any particular hymn.
1. The Broadman Hymnal. No apparent denomination. Copyright 1940. Hardback, green with silver imprinting. 510 songs and 59 responsive readings.
2. Children's Praise and Worship. Uncertain denomination. Copyright 1928. Hardback, blue with black imprinting. 266 songs.
3. Christian Hymnal. Mennonite. Copyright 1959, mine is 20th printing 1998. Hardback, black with gold imprinting. 657 songs.
4. The Christian Hymnary. Mennonite.
5. The Christian Science Hymnal. Christian Scientist.
6. Christian Worship: A Hymnal. Baptist/Disciples of Christ. Copyright 1953, mine is 13th printing 1964. Hardback, maroon with gold imprinting. 93 responsive readings and 558 songs.
7. Church Hymnal. Mennonite. Copyright 1927. Blue with gold imprinting. 657 songs.
8. Church Hymnal. Seventh-day Adventist.
9. Church Hymnal. Unknown denomination. Copyright 1951. Hardback, burgundy with gold imprinting. 411 songs.
10. Foursquare Hymnal. Foursquare Gospel. Copyright 1957. Hardback, burgundy with completely blank cover/binding. 390 songs.
11. Great Hymns of the Faith. Denomination unknown; publisher is Singspiration/Zondervan. Copyright 1968, mine is 21st printing 1974. Hardback, red with gold imprinting. 548 songs and 60 responsive readings.
12. Happy Songs for Boys and Girls. Seventh-day Adventist. Copyright 1952. Paperback, green/red/yellow. 139 songs.
13. Hymnal of the Church of God. Church of God. Copyright 1953. Maroon hardback with gold imprinting. 507 songs and 84 responsive/congregational readings.
14. The Latter-day Saint Hymnal. LDS (Mormon).
15. Life Songs 2. Mennonite.
16. The Methodist Hymnal. Methodist.
17. Modern Quartets for Men. Denomination, if any, unknown; not all the songs are religious. Publisher is Rodeheaver. Copyright 1938. Hardback, black with gold imprinting. 133 songs.
18. Praises We Sing. Mennonite. Copyright 1980, mine is 11th printing 2009. Paperback, orange/white. 382 songs.
19. Seventh-day Adventist Hymnal. Seventh-day Adventist. Copyright 1985, mine is 14th printing 2006. Hardback, black with gold imprinting. 695 songs and 225 responsive readings.
20. Sing to Jehovah. Jehovah's Witness.
21. Songs We Love. Denomination unknown. Copyright 1969. "Limp bound" brown. 270 songs.
22. Soul Stirring Special. Denomination unknown. Copyright MCMXLI. Very ratty paperback, quite a few torn pages. 191 songs.
23. Waves of Glory No. 2. Nazarene. Copyright 1921. Brown "limp cloth" binding. 420 songs.
24. Worship in Song. Nazarene. Copyright 1972. Hardback, russet with gold imprinting. 514 songs and 83 responsive readings.
25. Zion's Praises. Mennonite.
Dream Theatre Factoid: The medical field is dominated 110% by men because too many people will only see a man doctor. You can't just go in and choose between Dr Jeanie and Dr Tuloid.
Also in my dreamiverse Spot got out in the dark and Dan had to go track him down.
Much less issue today, although I'm still yawning and sleepy. I have managed to start the laundry anyway and washed most of the rest of the dishes we started washing last night.
Real post to come later. I need a real keyboard.
Mystery ingredients: Butternut squash, popcorn, rosemary, and apricot preserves.
Go take a look! I'm such a food nerd.